8 things to do on the beach besides read

The reading community loves to discuss beach reads: what counts as a beach read, the newest releases they're lugging to the beach, how many books they devoured on the beach. You would think it was the books that brought people to the beach, not its blue waters, white sand, and sunshine.

I had my books picked out for my Bahamas vacation weeks in advance. For me a good beach read is either a light, breezy novel (Liane Moriarty and Elin Hilderbrand come to mind) or nonfiction, preferably essays or a memoir. I had three books picked out, and they sat on my nightstand forever, taunting me with hopeful expectations.

I read those books while vacating my life, as planned, but not on the beach. Because paper is hard to preserve when you're surrounded by sand and water, and because when you spend the majority of your life in a desert, you take advantage of the novelties the beach has to offer and catch up on your reading later.

I did most of my reading from my private balcony on the cruise ship. It was glorious. (Although this book was a massive disappointment.)

The balcony is also a good place to practice your selfie skills, although it's so humid out there your camera lens will keep fogging up. Super annoying.

While reading is one of the best ways to have adventures, I found eight other ways to have fun on the islands.

Play in the water

I mean, duh. Especially if you're in a place like the Bahamas, it's too hot to do anything else, and the water is beautiful and warm and calm. Unless you're squeamish about fish swimming around your legs, there's literally no reason to stay out of the water.

Play in the sand

My family's not one for sandcastles; they usually end up being uninspired, lumpy blobs. It's much more fun to bury someone. Even as kids, it was usually Tiffany who ended up getting buried. (Sadly, I couldn't find the old picture to showcase alongside this one.)

Snorkel

Snorkeling masks are not designed for heads with hair attached. My hair got tangled in that thing more than once.

It's astonishing how much life and color is under the sea. True, the ocean is a sight to behold when you're above the water.

This multi-colored water is SO COOL.

But dip your face underwater and you literally feel like you've become an extra on the set of Finding Nemo. Provided you pick the right spot, fish are everywhere, of a variety of sizes and colors, and it's all the more astounding considering how good they are at avoiding you. If you were just treading water, you'd have no idea the activity taking place mere centimeters from your flailing limbs.

Speaking of Finding Nemo, sometimes sea turtles will pop above the water, but most of the ones we saw were swimming lazily along the ocean floor. What a way to live.

Hey, man.

"Do you have your exit buddy?"

Cruise in the boat

Noah told us many jokes during this vacation. One of my favorites:
What did one snowman say to the other?
Do you smell carrots?

When you're tired out from the playing and the snorkeling and the treading of water, it's actually quite relaxing to cruise around on the water for a while. Our driver showed us some of the many beautiful views of the Bahamian islands while providing complimentary hair-drying services.

5 minutes later...

I didn't even pack my flat iron for this trip. When it's this humid, you just let your hair go crazy.

Get sunburned

Guys, I tried not to get sunburned. I thought applying sunscreen three times in six hours would be enough. I thought putting chapstick on every chance I got would protect me from the horrible experience of sunburned lips.

But my skin was just not ready for the midday Bahamian sun. I still suffered the second worst sunburn of my life and came home with an entirely new skin color and really attractive blisters on my bottom lip.

Kayak

I'd never been kayaking before so I made my brother go with me. Turns out the hardest part of kayaking is syncing up with your fellow paddler, a challenge when both paddlers are used to being in charge.

"Follow my lead, I totally know what I'm doing!"

Water slide

Turns out some beaches have water slides! In fact, the water park at CocoCay has the tallest water slide in North America. I hopped right in line, hoping to come away with bragging rights, but only made it about halfway up the tower. At that point there was still an hour to wait, and I was already panicking about the height, so I abandoned my post and zoomed down the "drop" slide instead. (You stand on a platform and it makes you wait an eternity before dropping you into a tube. I only went because my dad, who is also afraid of heights, went, and I couldn't let him out-brave me. We all survived the experience.)

The drop slide is the yellow tube. There's another one on the other side so you can race. 

Jet ski

This was a major highlight of the trip for me. I was a little nervous at first, but once you get a feel for shooting across the ocean in your own little automobile, it's hard to keep the grin off your face. Zooming across that vast, beautiful ocean at the 37 mph max speed is an experience I'll never forget.

Lightning cut our kayak excursion short, but luckily it stayed away while Tyrel and I were jet skiing (still got rained on, though). It would have been truly tragic to cut that ride short, even with a refund as consolation.

The cherry on top of two days of beachy entertainment? No books were harmed in the experiencing of these activities.