Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The top 10 most annoying Christmas songs of all time

All awesome things have a dark side, most especially Christmas music. While I love Christmas music as much as the next person, there are some songs that trigger my gag reflex and make me a bit of a Scrooge. Such as these songs, for example.

10. The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire). This is one of the Christmas classics (that I like) that I tend to get sick of the fastest. It seems that every artists feels morally obligated to put this song on their Christmas album, and, well, it gets old fast. This is by no means the most-played Christmas song, but it's just not good enough to warrant all the attention it gets.

9. Do You Hear What I Hear? Some artists have too much fun with the echoing effects, making this song incredibly annoying. However, it can be a wonderful song when done right (I rather love Vince Gill's version, for example).

8. Patapan. I wouldn't be surprised if only choir nerds recognized this song. It is a rather popular choral song, though I think the musical advancedness, rather than the nonsense lyrics, is the reason why acapella groups always sing it. It's one of those songs that latches itself in your brain and forces you to hum it for months at a time. However, its slight redeeming quality is its pure mockability. My family regularly adds to our made-up lyrics, most of which center on farm animals. (Think "cock-a-doodle-do" instead of "tu-la-ru-la-ru," and "pat a pat a pig" instead of "pat a pat a pan" and it'll be effortless to find more ways to slaughter this song.)

7. We Need a Little Christmas Now. I've sung this song in a couple of choirs, and it always ends up being the one the choir hates the most.

6. Christmas Time is Here. Yes, "Where Are You Christmas?" is one of my favorite Christmas songs, but the movie from which it stems has produced some equally bad songs. All it takes is the first screeching phrase of this song and my hand will shoot to the radio dial to change the station.

5. Angels We Have Heard on High. I would be prepared to bet that Relief Society sisters throughout the world sing this song every stinkin' year for their ward Christmas programs. My home ward may have started this tradition, and I hate it more every time we sing it, mostly for picky musical reasons: (1) no one can ever do the eternal "Gloria" in one breath, and (2) no matter how many times we relearn it, a majority of the sisters pronounce "in excelsis deo" wrong, which grates me the same way fingernails on a chalkboard does. For the record, it's "een egg shell sees day oh" everyone, and yes, that means you too, Josh Groban.

4. The 12 Days of Christmas. Who came up with this song, anyway? Every remake of this song (with the exception of the Vocal Point version) is long, annoying, and tedious.

3. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. The first time I heard this song, it intrigued me. However, by the second verse I was so sick of the baby voice that I forever denied it the honor of my listening to it.

2. Merry Christmas, Darling, by the Carpenters. I love the old-time Christmas classics like Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby, but I hate, hate the Carpenters. I may have broken a few nails in my efforts to change the radio station every time Karen Carpenter's warbly voice airs. I'm not even sure if this song is the one that annoys me the most, but there's not way I'm going to listen to it to find out.

1. Santa Baby. Sultryness and Santa should not go together. 'Nuff said.


  1. Try "I Farted on Santa's Lap"

    It's like "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" to me.

    Just as bad.

    If not worse.

  2. Wow. That does sound pretty bad.

  3. Last year my brother sang all 12 verses of the 12 Days of Christmas 12 times in a row. By rendition 5, we pleaded with Mom to duct tape him. By rendition 7, she at least let us banish him to his room. Not that he didn't then roll down the window and regale the wide outdoors with another 5 rounds.

    Yeah. I hate that song too.