Wednesday, July 17, 2013

On being single

*Sometimes I start posts, but don't publish them. Then I forget about them. I wrote this post over a year ago, and I always planned to publish it, but I . . . didn't. Until now, that is.* 

I seriously doubt there is anyone out there whose life turned out exactly as they planned. And even if things turned out hunky-dory, there were probably detours and setbacks along the way to hunky-dory land.

I certainly didn't plan on working at a software company and living alone at this stage in my life, for example. I was raised to expect to have a husband and a kid or two at this point, and while self-sufficiency was taught in my home, during my teen years I figured that the main purpose for any skills I acquired was to ensure that I had a Plan C (Plan B was to go on a mission in the unlikely event that I was still single at the ancient age of 21) just in case my perfect plans were disrupted.

Little did I know that the Plan C I put very little thought into would become my Plan; not just a temporary setback, but an entirely different road.

For a while, I resented it. All I wanted from life was a temple marriage, but instead I got a salary and independence. Being single is hard enough with the stalkers and awkward dates, but when your whole world centers on beliefs that center on marriage and family, being single is so much harder. Not only is it your lot to be alone but you're also almost second-class, someone who has yet to reach her full potential until she finds a man to elevate her.

I was never one of those girls who felt worthless because she didn't have a boyfriend; until I was about 20 I frowned upon having a boyfriend at all. I only relented then because my 21st birthday was coming up, and I had a deadline to meet.

But if there's anything I've learned over the past two years, it's that I don't need a man in order to become the person I want to be. I don't have to sit around, bored, waiting for my other half to come along while I squander my youth waiting for a guy to come along with the key to unlock the potential inside me.

Another awesome realization I've had is that being young and single doesn't mean you aren't a real person. It's not the limbo mode you have to go through before "real life" starts. Just look at Alma, Moroni, Mormon, the stripling warriors, and Joseph Smith--they were all young and single (and large of stature, incidentally) when they started doing great things, and they changed the world.

Just like many others whose plans didn't work out as expected, I am happy with my "lot in life." In fact, a very wise Someone knew that this road would be better for me than the one I had picked out, though I would not have agreed with Him a year ago.


  1. I'm so proud of you and feel it a privilege to call myself your mother and friend.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.